A Not So Tiny Quarantine

Quarantine? No, let’s rename this. Let’s rename this QuaranME.

Okay, that is cheesy. But hey at least it is better than the “Quarantini” that is circling round on Facebook according to my best 40’s and older news source, my mom.

It’s a cocktail with a couple shots of vodka and a packet of Vitamin C. Sounds like a good cure to a hangover, or another cause of a hangover.

But I have to be candid here. Staying inside is terrible. We are all cranky. You don’t know if it’s 10 minutes or 3 hours. You try to talk to your childhood stuffed animal. Pablo always has an attitude. Your dogs are the only ones you can hug. Good thing they’re also bored out of their minds.

#WFH should be called #WFB because you don’t leave your bed till 7:00 pm, if at all. You try to be productive but the wifi sucks. No one is getting emails. Karen from work is fixing your 2009 Dell at your office pleading “I ran into no one on the way here.” She decides to quarantine in your office, making a fort of the desk chairs and hiding there till LA is safe.

Meanwhile, at the home that you decided to make your home office and your brand new restaurant with an award winning chef, aka your mom, your parents are collectively on their 10th martini’s of the day. Your family has been shoving a puzzle together for about 5 days now. Your younger siblings have made about 1,000 TikToks.

If I hear renegade one more time, I will go Britney 2001, inside with an umbrella. I don’t care if it’s bad luck.

Your sister has tried to make your dog Tik Tok famous. She squirms in every video. Why is Tik Tok so annoying and so goddamn addicting? What about Vine? What happened to that?

You start to realize that this is actually the life of an influencer. Well, influencers get to travel and we can’t go to Costco without having a line the size of the entrance to 1Oak. Corona makes me think I took lines in security at LAX for granted.

But there’s a lot of thing we took for granted. Not hoarding toilet paper, the sun, bars serving alcohol, the safety video on the airplane that we drown out with our airpods, eyelash services open when we have about two dangling and clouding our vision, sports games, sports. I never thought I would miss sports. I miss especially when they make a touchdown in soccer, you know?

Life is a joke right now. It feels like a weird dream or an alternate reality that I can’t quite put my finger on.

The point that I started with, dealing with madness stems from dealing with yourself. I want to be more healthy. I want to deal with this by working out. Running up and down the stairs of my house, using my weights, and becoming the fit person that I know is there, deep, deep, deep down.

But focusing on yourself can help with the stress of being at your parents house. It can be harder than it looks from a post of your dogs on your kitchen table. Just know that you have yourself and that everyone is in this same situation.

It’s hard to help yourself when everyone is helpless. But you are healthy and you can never take that for granted. COVID-19, can one vivaciously independently differ from the others? It takes focusing on you to find that out.

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